Jan 13, 2020
A key component that threatens trust is fear.
Our son’s action earlier this week broke the trust and its primary cause was fear.
Leaving the house without telling us was caused by “ a fear that we’d say no”.
A fear of missing out on some perceived fun with a buddy.
This action unknowingly broke the trust that was built up over the years.
Then avoidance and shame kicked in about what he’d done ✅ and he hid avoiding the consequences and confrontation.
This is a great analogy for primary or spousal relationships too.
1.Be open to keep the trust. The person who was lied to gets a pass to ask any questions, check phone, check whatever at anytime. This seems invasive at first but will minimize naturally with time. The person that lost trust needs to let this happen without getting in your feelings or retaliating.
2.Discuss items that bother you or that you’re concerned with. Bring why you are suspicious and what the person vando to alleviate your fear.
3. Talk through issues even if you’re scared or uncomfortable; you’ll be so glad you did. Do this when there is no emotion involved. During basic tasks, cooking, running errands. Or just sitting down with a glass of wine or over dinner to talk thru it. Not being up and throw in the others face but talk thru the issue openly to take trust to the next step. Ask questions and answer them openly and without hesitation.
4.Get help. A coach, a professional, to walk through it with you if necessary.
5.Meet things head on and never hide from the challenges. If you’ve already gone down the wrong road, stop 🛑.
Admit your wrong and work through it.
You can do it. You can push through.